I suck at Skee-Ball. There, I’ve said it. I also suck at most carnival-related game (even though all of them are fixed in one manner or another), so I had little hope for Iconfactory and DS Media Labs’ little torture device of an iPhone/iTouch game Ramp Champ.

I’ve been a fan of Iconfactory for a whole mess of years, so the game caught my eye when I was looking for a new time waster a few months ago. I played it a couple of times and then jumped right back to my standby of Bejewelled to numb my brain. A couple of weeks ago, however, I came back to Ramp Champ. I had it in my head that I could earn a few more trophies (three are available per “ramp”) and maybe even earn enough tickets to buy some cool in-game trinkets.

Did I mention I suck at games like this? To date, I have one trophy each in the four ramps that come standard with the game: Clown Town, Breakwater Bay, Space Swarm and the Icon Garden. Wait, I have two in the Icon Garden now (I got you, you bastard Moof). Anyhoo, my lack of being any good at the standard ramps made me venture into some of the expansion ramps that are typically available for a pittance in order to expand my trophy collection. Not only do the new ramps come with new trophies, but they also come with new crap you can buy with your virtual tickets. Sure, it all just ends up being dusty pixels on dusty pixelized shelves, but who am I to laugh in the face of reward-based instant gratification?

The coolest thing about Ramp Champ is the huge variety of little targets that pop up after being knocked down in a certain order. In Grave Danger, for example (part of a Halloween expansion that I just wasn’t going to say no to), depending on which tombstones you knock down determines what pops up. Kill the three tiny stones with crescent moons on them and a moon appears. Hit the moon and a full moon appears along with three wolves. It’s Skee-Ball, so you get nine chances to get all the points you can muster, so I’ve not managed to see what happens past knocking all wolves down.

The real secret is to figure out a way to knock down multiple targets with a single ball. It’s tricky as hell, but there are certain techniques (I like to think) that maximize the potential for double and triple target clearance.

I’ve spent 45 minute jags just doing round after round after round trying to uncover new sections of a ramp while getting so infuriatingly frustrated that I really wanted to throw my phone across the room. To me, that’s the sign of a damn good game. Despite the fact that a trained chimp could probably score thousands of points more than me, I’m not giving up on Ramp Champ.

Generally I’m a pretty stressed out person. I’m not sure how that is different than anyone else living in modernity, but at least I’m aware that I’m usually pretty jacked up on a day-to-day basis. What’s worse is that I understand that the amounts of stress I consider myself under is not all that healthy; and that stresses me out more.

I’ve tried lots of things over the years to alleviate my stress, but what seemed to work best was alcohol, cigarettes and soccer.

Welcome to my new era. I’ve cut my drinking way back (still not sure if that was the best idea), the smoking has slowed down significantly (but not stopped entirely and that causes even more stress), and the soccer team is on hiatus. That leaves me with the option to implode or to find another outlet.

In the past several years I have noticed that if I don’t get a degree of physical activity during the week, I’m a real basket-case. This was really noticed during a stint where rain halted my soccer season for four straight weeks. Not being able to shake all the aggro out on the pitch for a month made me a not-so-fun person to be around, so this current soccer hiatus thing was a real concern. So concerned, in fact, that I even considered joining a gym (shudder).

While the thought of scaring people at the gym with my glow-in-the-dark pasty skin and total lack of coordination sounds rather entertaining, I was more than willing to try a couple of other things before going to that extreme.

Enter Wii Active from EA.

I’ve not been the biggest fan of the fitness-related games for the Wii. I was an early adopter of the Wii Fit and it did not much more than piss me off. I’m not the best at standing still and having to stand on a little plastic platform while a little Mii version of a Japanese guy berated me for missing days and gaining weight was not my style of motivation.

Wii Active has taken a much gentler approach to attacking my general state of sloth.

Sure, the trainer prattles on constantly about how my cadence is good and dedication and blah blah blah crap, but that actually does a good job of distracting me while I am actually getting some decently led exercise.

I’m currently in the first week of a 30 day regiment on Wii Active that even tells me which days to rest and not bother firing up the machine to work out. Any workout that has built-in lazy days is definitely something I can get behind.  Aside from some issues with the stupid sensors not sensing that I’m in that damn lunge and it had better pull up soon before I start breaking things, the Wii Active does a good job of working with my pace and giving me motivation enough to keep it up day after day. I can honestly say that I would recommend this “game” to anyone remotely thinking about starting (or continuing) a fitness regiment.

Granted, if I never have to do another one of the Wii Active’s rollerblading exercises I will die a happy man, but I do recommend it.