Holiday what?

justin monkey, Ravings, Stupidity Leave a Comment

santa_cross2I know it has been gone over a thousand times (I even saw an IHOP commercial about it last night), but what the hell is up with pushing Christmas stuff like crazy before Thanksgiving and even, to some degree, around Halloween?

I realize that for many retailers, the Christmas season marks the time of year where they can attempt to recoup a year’s worth of losses and unmet sales goals (probably the sole existence of the cursed “Christmas in July” sales), but it’s getting the point where I really do want to crawl into a hole from November 1 until the first week of January.

I’m not a big fan of Christmas. Yup, I get all Scroogey. Part of it is my annoyance at a fake obligation to be all chipper and happy-like during some of the darkest and most depressing days of the year, and part of it is the fake frantic pace at which people scramble around and generally get in my way.

Don’t get me wrong. The holiday season does bring with it some seriously amazing things: most of which are baked and contain some combination of pumpkin, cinnamon and/or allspice. I also get to wear my Dropkick Murphys shirt that says “Merry Christmas you bastards” and has a lovely illustration of a very drunk Santa and a very drunk Rudolph. It makes people uncomfortable and gives me a little bit of glee.

I think what annoys me the most is the self-righteousness that comes with the season. The Jesus Crispies get their underpants all in a wad about every aspect of alternate tradition (Kwanzaa, Hanukkah or even Solstice) “infringing” on their precious holiday. I remember back in 1998, upon leaving the theater after seeing Prince of Egypt on Christmas Day I overheard someone say “Those Jews are trying to steal our holiday.” Are you freakin’ kidding me?!?!?!?!

Christmas is a co-opted holiday. Jesus was, more than likely, born sometime between March and June, Christmas trees and advent wreaths were “borrowed” from Celtic paganism, and Saint Nick was Greek.

OK, I feel a lot better, and right in time to sit back, eat too much dead bird, partake of too much “holiday cheer” and wait for people to be trampled to death on “Black Friday.”

Merry fuckin’ Christmas.

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