My Name is Twilight and I am a Dracula

justin Books, Movies, Popular Culture, Ravings Leave a Comment

team-edwardI hate the Twilight series.

I know that “hate” is a strong emotion to throw out there, and I almost feel bad about it since I really don’t know much about the Twilight series, but I hate it.

First off, Twilight is not about vampires. Vampires generally have more weaknesses than just sparkling in sunlight. What the hell is that all about anyway? I’m pretty sure most strippers sparkle in sunlight thanks to “stripper dust,” does that make them vampires? Are Edward and crew really strippers? At best, the Twilight “vamps” are nothing more than hybrid gothy emokids. That’s deadly enough it its own right. At the worst, Edward is a pedophile. Isn’t he like hundreds of years old and still dating high school girls? Even Matthew McConaughey got over that.

I realize that I’m getting older, and that one of the first signs one is getting older is that the stuff the “younger folk” obsess over is annoying as hell. There, I found a reason I can justifiably hate Twilight: it makes me feel old.

That’s just not the best excuse.

I’m a vampire fan. I’ve watched some pretty terrible movies solely because there was vampy-time somewhere in the middle. In fact, I probably prefer terrible vampire movies to the really well done ones. I even buy into the concept that there are a whole mess of different varieties of vampires. I just don’t think Stephanie Meyer knows what the toss a vampire is.

That’s not even a good excuse.

Do I really need a good excuse?

Screw it, make mine Team Edward.

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